Stick Two People in a Cramped Place and Watch!!
by Destiny of Fire
Summary: I don't think it's really PG13ish, but just in case. Lol, the name implies the meaning, doesn't it? Enjoy!


_Yup, I'm on the rampage again! Whoooo! I hope you like it! _

As usual, Legend of Dragoon, the Turks and anything else that doesn't belong to me dun belong to me. Oh, also, the idea of making this a TV show came from the Fanatic fanfics, belonging to Tifa Gainsborough, so she deserves the credit for that. However, the God of Death, any random people, Destiny  and the leash Melbu was on belong to me.

**

Destiny: Hehe! Welcome, my good friends, to another episode of…

Crowd: Stick Two People Somewhere Cramped and Watch! YAY!!! (cheers)

Destiny: Yes. I will be your host, Destiny, in our first episode, featuring two characters from Legend of Dragoon! Whooo! If you don't know who they are already, I won't tell you who, but I'm sure everyone does.

Crowd: (blank faces)

Destiny: (anime face-faults) Right…Anyway, here is our show!

**

Rose watches as the city of Mayfil surrounds her, and she shivers, suddenly cold. She squeezed Zieg's hand beside her, and closes her eyes.

Random Voice: Rosieeee!

Rose: (opens one eye, and groans) Hello Charlie.

Charlie: About time you've got here, I've been waiting forever, and my brother is being SUCH a pain in the ass. Come on, the Great One awaits you…

Zieg: (glances at Rose)

Rose: (laughs uncertainly and follows)

The two walked along, following Charlie, until they reached a large stone building.

Charlie: Sorry guys, but you'll have to go one at a time. (shrugs)

They nod, and Rose trudges forward. Walking up to the stone building, she braces herself mentally for whatever awaits her.

The door swings open as soon as she touches it, startling her. With her eyes flickering and her face harsh, she walks on.

And in a huge throne sat what Rose presumed to be the God of Death, the Great One, the Big Guy himself. If she were a less emotionless person, she would have been surprised, then laughed her head off. If she were a more intelligent person, she would go mad by the irony of it all…

Upon the throne sits a spoon. A gigantic, silver spoon. She could almost see Albert in her mind, laughing hysterically in insanity as the stupidity of it all sunk in. But, she is not Albert. She keeps calm.

God of Death: Rose, you have finally reached me. (Having no mouth ((a spoon with a mouth? THAT'S a scary thought!)) Its voice seems to come from everywhere and nowhere, all at once.)

Rose: Yes.

God of Death: In your life, you have done many evils and killed many people. (The spoon considers it. If it was a fork, it would have rubbed its…chin? with one of the tongs. But, it's a spoon in a chair, so it doesn't.)

Rose: Yes, I know. (glares) What hell have you arranged for me?

God of Death: You have to have a child with Melbu Frahma.

Rose: (can't keep her eyes from widening.)

(The spoon…laughs?) Spoon: Just kidding, just kidding. Chill out! No, your damning is not quite so…revolting as that. Starting tonight, you have to spend one night and half a day in a mansion in Eastern Mayfil with another damned one.

She almost jumps up and down with relief, but she doesn't. She just stands there. It's too easy. 

Rose: Who is the other person?

God of Death: You will see. With time, you will see…

She frowns. 

Rose: I thought you said it was tonight.

God of Death: I didn't say it was a long time! Geez, lay off! You ruined my mysterious voice. (The spoon's voice turns tragic, and from nowhere some depressing music starts, cuz, let's face it, he's the God of Death, he can do anything.) It's hard enough to get people to be scared of me when I'm something that you eat off of! It all started when my mother, the Great Creator, met my father, who…

Rose: Yes, I understand. 

Rose briefly wanted to ask why so many gods' names started with Great, but she didn't. Maybe if she was less emotionless, but she wasn't. 

Rose and Zieg were both disappointed, but they both felt that it was for the better. Hey, it could be worse right? All she has to do is avoid some person she'd never met before for one night and half a day. 

She would pack her bags or prepared or something, but she didn't have anything to pack, so she just begins out to Eastern Mayfil.

On the way she saw a couple strange, very dead, individuals, but she shrugs it off. She _does _shudder when she sees Melbu Frahma though, as Charlie drags him around on a leash.

Soon, she sees the place. It's a tall house, about two stories high, and it is disturbingly pretty, the paint bright yellow and birds twittered and calling to each other outside. Taking a moment to chase the birds away with a stick, she enters.

So far, it's empty. She walks around, examining the place. One bedroom (aww crap) two bathroom, a kitchen, a large dining room, a scary attic, a trapdoor down into a scary basement, all the makings of a haunting house.

Except it's all painted blinding pink and yellow.

Adjusting her eyes to the bright, sun-shiny happiness of it all, she walks over to the common room and sits down in a blindingly hot pink but comfortable none-the-less chair, waiting.

She waits for about ten minutes, thinking strangely about squirrels, when there's frantic sounds outside, yelping, growling and grunting. Thinking it's the neighbourhood cats, even though there is no houses for miles and miles, she walks out side, and sees two big, hard faced men (my classic bodyguard/draggingfranticpeopleaway dudes, the Turks) dragging a frantic person in. 

She immediately sees the splash of silver hair, and groans, her mind acting way faster than her eyes somehow. _Lenus? Charlie? Dear god, don't let it be Meru, pleeeeeease…_

And then her eyeballs catch up, and her stomach sinks with dread.

Lloyd: Get away from me! Get away, you fat losers! Noooooo, I don't wanna!

Reno: Shuttap. We ain't fat, you scrawny little ass.

Rude: … 

They both drop Lloyd to his knees in front of the disgustingly bright house, and begin to walk away.

Lloyd: Ingrates!

Rude: …(kicks him in the butt so he falls into the open door, nearly balling Rose over)

Lloyd: …

Rose: …

Lloyd: !!!

Rose: !!!

Lloyd/Rose: AHHHHHHHH!!!!

Rose: Why is it you? Of all the people, why does it have to be you?

Lloyd: Think I'm enjoying this transaction, Miss Halloween?

Rose: You say that again, I dare you!

Lloyd: Mi-ss Hall-o-ween…

Rose: (punches him in the face)

Lloyd: Grr…

One of those weird dust clouds happen, like in cartoons, and they both look at it in confusion and blow it away and start fighting.

**Fifteen minutes later**

Rose: Ugh! I…huff huff…can't…cough…believe I'm stuck with…you…

Lloyd: I'm…just as…huff huff…confused as…you are…

Rose: (falls over onto the floor, tired from fifteen minutes of fighting with a wingly, and bleeding heavily.)

Lloyd: (Follows suit)

Both: (look at each other, and move away slowly)

Lloyd: Okay, this is getting us nowhere. We need, like, a truce or something, alright?

Rose: Yeah, I agree.

Lloyd: Okay, for the time being, I won't hurt you, and you don't touch my beautiful body, alright?

Rose: EWWWW!! Why would I touch you?

Lloyd: (grins) I'm beautiful, and the writer loves me.

Rose: AGHH!! You little dirt bag!! (chases him around the room a couple times)

The screen does that thing where it rises up above the house, and the giant spoon is there, chuckling evilly.

God of Death: Heh heh, they thought I was insane when I gave Jean Cretien that mouth thing.

Random guy that corrects people: Uh, mister Death? Wrong scene. ((AN: Sorry, Canadian joke if you don't get it))

God of Death: What? Oh yes, of course. I mean, Heh heh, they thought I was insane when I told them they only had to say in some house. Well guess what? I AM INSANE!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!! Cough cough cough…oh, I really should stop smoking, it'll be the death of me…

RGTCP: Bad joke sir.

God of Death: Joke?

The scene fades black, and returns to Lloyd and Rose.

Lloyd: (severely beat up with a random ice bag on his eye) Hmm…

Rose: (also severely beat up with a random bandage on her arm) Hmm…?

Lloyd: I need something to do.

Rose: Why? Isn't staring off into space good enough.

Lloyd: Um…no, not really. I don't have the patience of an 11,000 year old fossil.

Rose: (trying to be outraged but wincing in pain) I'll let that one go…

Lloyd: (stands up off the…chair…he…was…in…and stretches) Hey, I just had a thought. Why don't we just leave the house?

Rose: Because that would be too easy.

Lloyd: What?

Rose: (thinks, then grins evilly) Nooooo, go right ahead Lloydy. I'll be right here, giving you some…er…space, yeeessss…

Lloyd: You terrify me.

Rose: Yes I know. Now move it!

Lloyd: (raises an eyebrow, but begins towards the door that just happens to be in the middle of the…living…room…they…were…in…)

As soon as the door is opened, Lloyd gets electrofried by an electric piece of Macaroni. (It would be Kraft Dinner, but then I'd have to go aaaaall the way to the top of this and write that Kraft Dinner belongs to it's makers, and I dun feel like it. Yay! Macaroni belongs to everyone! ((dances)))

Rose: Hehehehehe!

Lloyd: (tries to pat down his hair) What?

Rose: (laughs hysterically)

Lloyd: (looking embarrassed and slightly pointy-haired) Whatever, I guess we can't leave…

Rose: No **** Sherlock.

Lloyd: Hey, Destiny is gonna kill you for saying that.

Destiny: Nope, I censored it.

Rose: Hmm…right.

Lloyd: Fine then, now that I've properly baked myself, I'm going to find something to do.

Rose: (smirks as he walks away)

Lloyd: (twitches)

Lloyd wanders around the mansion for a while, finding nothing of interest. Opening a closet, he found a few games and stuff that are in any household, and briefly considered Twister, but then gets a mental image and shudders, tossing the idea immediately. Finally, he returns to the Common room.

Rose: (looking victorious and smirky) Find anything?

Lloyd: (shifty eyes) Um…yeah, I found lots to do. But…now I'm sleepy, so I'm going to bed. G'night!

Rose: What time is it?

Lloyd: Umm…(tries to check his watch but realizes that he doesn't have a watch) I dunno…

Reno (from outside): Midnight!

Rose/Lloyd: (exchange glances)

Rose: I suppose it is the time when the person who is me should go to bed too.

They both walk up the stairs, strangely tired suddenly and in need of a nights sleep to heal, and both gulp when they learn their next big opstical.

Rose: There's only one…

Lloyd: Bedroom.

Both: (look at each other again) AHHHHH!!!

Lloyd: You can't have the bed if I get there first! (jumps on the bed)

Rose: Yes I can.

Lloyd: No way, I'm not sharing!

Rose: No need. (flips him off)

Lloyd: Ow.

Rose: (gets comfortable despite the brightly coloured sheets that strangely depict the teletubbies.) 

Lloyd: (sits on his butt beside the bed, very confused on how he ended up there)

Rose: Good night. (falls asleep)

Lloyd: (blinks)

The screen does that fade out thing again, and it's back on Destiny and the crowd. Yes, I have no idea why there's a studio audience, there just is.

Destiny: (in a big narrative voice) There, the first night has past for our brave heroes. What does tomorrow bring?

Random guy in the crowd: Put 'em both on the bed!

Destiny: (growls) Nuuu! She can't have my Lloydy!

Random producer-type-guy that checks the ratings: Um, Destiny, we're losing ratings every second…

Destiny: (bites her lip) FINE! But I better get paid a LOT for this!

Destiny waits until Rose and Lloyd are asleep, then somehow puts Lloyd in the bed without waking up either of them.

Destiny: (returns to the studio gloomily) Alright alright, you happy now?

Crowd: YES!!

Destiny: (muttering incoherently, something about people being such perverts nowadays)

Somehow, the night suddenly goes by REALLY fast, and it's daytime.

Rooster: Cockadoodledoo!

Destiny: Who put that Rooster in here? bodyguard and draggingfranticpeopleaway dudes!!

Reno/Rude: (yawn) What?

Destiny: Hunt down that chicken!

Random guy (yes, just a guy): Um, can we get to Lloyd and Rose please?

The screen turns black, and centres on the two in the bed.

Rose: (muttering in her sleep) Stupid chicken…gimme two more minutes chicken…

Lloyd: (snores loudly)

Rose: (opens her eyes groggily and yawns) Wow, I feel better already...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Lloyd: (bolts upright) What? What? Who ate the light bulb?

Rose: (doing that dangerous I'm Gonna Kill You voice) Lloyd…why are you in my bed?

Lloyd: Huh? (turns over and notices her) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Rose: (kicks him in the crotch and jumps off the bed)

Lloyd: (squeaks high-pitchedly)

Rose: YOU STUPID LITTLE LECH, WHAT THE HECK DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?!?!?!?!?!

Lloyd: (manages to squeak out) Steel-toed boots.

Rose: You want steel-toed boots? I'll give you steel-toed boots! (kicks him in the butt a few times until he falls out of bed)

Lloyd: (moans) I didn't do it.

Rose: I HOPE NOT!!!

Lloyd: What? No, I didn't mean DO IT do it, I mean, I have no idea why I was in your bed. Wait a sec, WHY WAS I IN YOUR BED?????

Rose/Lloyd: (yelling at each other)

**fifteen (magic number) minutes pass**

Lloyd/Rose: Destiny!

Destiny: (is suddenly there) Yes?

Lloyd/Rose: I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!! (chases Destiny around)

Destiny: Nooo! No, guys stop! I didn't wanna do it, they made meee! EEK!!

Lloyd/Rose: (get tired and fall down)

Destiny: (runs away)

Lloyd: (yawns and grins) Nice panties.

Rose: (looks down and notices she's in her underwear) EEK! (wraps herself up in her blanket) Well, nice boxers!

Lloyd: What? AHH! (tries to grab the other side of the blanket, but she yanks it away and he falls over)

Rose: (breathing deeply) I don't want to wake up like that in a LONG time!

Lloyd: (grins) You mean, there was a next time?

Rose: ARGH!! (smacks him)

Lloyd: Ow. Wow, you're not very nice.

Rose: Stop staring at me and I'll be nicer.

Lloyd: (turns beat red and looks away)

Rose: (breathes deeply some more) Okay…I need something to do for a day. Umm….

Lloyd: Getting changed is a good first step.

Rose: Don't look! (begins to get into her clothes)

Lloyd: I'm already looking away…

Rose: Well, keep it up!

Lloyd: Hmm…this bed is getting pretty boring to look at…

Rose: Shuttap! Okay, your turn.

Lloyd: For what?

Rose: Getting dressed.

Lloyd: (winey voice) But it's Saturday!

Rose: (raises an eyebrow)

Lloyd: (grumbles) Okay, but you're breaking every rule of underwear day…

Rose: (stalks off grumbling the funnest ways to kill him)

Lloyd: (grins) She can't kill me, I'm already dead…

The two of them walk downstairs, looking for something to do. Pretty soon, they start playing pointless word games.

Rose: Oil.

Lloyd: Lions.

Rose: (flops down on a couch) Secret-agent style.

Lloyd: Hmm…I don't think there are any fun ways to kill someone staring with E.

Rose: Eating them?

Lloyd: Riiiiight…(shifty eyes)

Rose: Hey! Playstation! (dive bombs the TV and turns on the Playstation.

Playstation: Welcome to Random Mini Golf! 

Rose/Lloyd: Nooooooooo!!

Playstation: Please press start.

Rose: (kicks the playstation)

Playstation: Ow! You little *****

Destiny: (runs in and whacks it with the electric piece of macaroni)

Rose: Hmm…(looks at the clock, which is magically there) Well, in exactly two hours, we get to leave here.

Lloyd: (eyes go all distant, as he stares into her own. Red and black eyes lock as he speaks) You know, in most cases, we would have learned to accept each other for our difference, maybe even fallen in love…

Rose: Yeah…

They stare at each other a moment, and burst out laughing.

Lloyd: (shudders) Too many people think there's…something going on between us.

Rose: Hehehe, really? Why?

Lloyd: (shrugs) I'm beautiful, you're beautiful, and Zieg is a pain in the ass…it just makes sense, I suppose.

Rose: You think?

Lloyd: Yup. But, their just rumours…

Both look at each other strangely.

Rose: Let's find something to do. I'm getting freaked out.

Lloyd: Me too.

Rose: Ooh, a trapdoor! (pulls the trapdoor open)

Lloyd: Ahhhh! (falls in)

Rose: Lloyd!

Lloyd: And yet again, I appear to have fallen on my butt.

Rose: (giggles)

Lloyd: (looks up) What was that?

Rose: I…uh…laughed evilly. Yeeeessss…

Lloyd: Riiiiiight. Okay, get down here, it looks uninviting and cold.

Rose: Yay! (jumps down gracefully.)

They walk around a bit, then realize it's pitch black and they can't see.

Rose: We need a light.

Lloyd: Yeah, but where are we going to find a light?

Rose: There's always your wings…

Lloyd: Hey! No way, I ain't gonna just use my wings for no reason, just to please you… (his wings appear for some reason)

Lloyd: Traitors.

Wings: (glow)

They walk around a bit, Lloyd backwards and occasionally tripping over things, Rose watching the shadows intently while pulling Lloyd along by a wing.

Random things that make noises: Moo! Squeak! Squish! MEOOOOW!!

Lloyd: What the heck?

Random things that make noises: Cockadoodledoo!

Reno: I thought we killed you, you stupid rooster!

Rose: Riiiiight.

Lloyd: Hey, that's my thing that I say!

Rose: …

Lloyd: Riiiiight.

Rose: (bumps into something)

Random something: RAAAAAAR!! (breathes fire all over her)

Rose: Michael! (huggles Michael)

Lloyd: (cautiously snuffs out her burning hair)

Rose: (notices something) Hmm…what was that?

Lloyd: I don't know, I can't see as I am FACING THE WRONG WAY!!

Rose: Never mind. (picks it up) It's a note. Hmm…lesse…. "Please say, And Now A Word From Our Sponsors" Why?

Lloyd: I dunno. And now a word from our sponsors!

Screen fades to black, and a commercial comes on.

Zell Dinct: Are YOU tired of being called a chickenwuss by some arrogant loser in a white suit thing? Well, now you can shut the fool up! (holds up some duct tape triumphantly) Watch as I demonstrate the awesome power of this divine object! (duct tapes Seifer's mouth shut) And look at that? Instant relief!

Screen goes back to the basement.

Rose: That was…weird…

Michael: (playing with duct tape)

Lloyd: We should head back, we'll get let out of here soon.

Rose: Yeah. Bye Michael! (huggles again)

Lloyd: (shakes his head and flies out of the basement)

Rose: (eeps, and pulls herself out after him)

The two of them go back to sitting on the disgusting, revolting, horrific pink couch, waiting patiently for the freedom to leave.

Lloyd: So…

Rose: So…

Lloyd: …

Rose: …

Lloyd: Um…

Rose: Crayons don't taste good!

Lloyd: Uh…no…they don't.

Rose: …

The jeopardy music starts from nowhere.

Jeopardy music: Du du dudu, du du du. Du du du du DU dududududu…

Rose: So many du's…

Lloyd: Yeah…

Rose: Um…so…

Lloyd: (suddenly falls of the couch and starts twitching and rolling on the (yes, you guessed it) pink carpet)

Rose: 0.o what are you doing?

Lloyd: ITCHY!!!!

Rose: (face-faults)

Lloyd: (tries to scratch his back, to no avail) GAAAAAAH!!! Itchyitchyitchy!

Rose: Look, just come here!

Screen fades back to Destiny.

Destiny: Heello everyone! Here comes the part that our vict…friends like best! Time to go to the mansion and release the priso…heroes…ahem! 

Crowd: (looks blankly at her)

Destiny: (laughs girlishly)

Crowd: YAAAAY!!! (cheers)

Destiny: Riiiiiight. (walks over to a corvette outside the studio, with the cameraman following, and speeds toward Mayfil)

Reno: AHHH!! MY CAR!!!

Rude: (laughs lightly)

Screen (once again) fades to outside the mansion, where Destiny is sneaking up on them.

Destiny: (whispering) Shh…we want this to be a complete surprise.

From inside: Oh yeah baby! 

Destiny: Um…

Inside: That's the place! Oh YEAH!!

Destiny: (growls) 

Cameraman: (gulps)

Destiny: NOOOO!!! (charges into the house, and does the same thing as Rose where you only see one thing ((which happens to be a shirtless Lloyd)) and starts rushing to conclusions)

Rose: Be quiet Lloyd, gawd. (scratches his back more)

Lloyd: (has an expression of pure ecstasy) But that feels so much BETTER!!

Destiny: Huh? (blushes) Hehehe! Um, congratulations! You two are officially aloud to go!

Lloyd: Just a sec. C'mon, harder!

Rose: I'm trying! (starts digging her nails into his back)

Lloyd: That's better…(looks up) Oh, we can go? 

Rose/Lloyd: YES!! (hug each other, then notice what they're doing and start making gagging noises)

Destiny: (blushes more and grabs her microphone) Well folks, once again, I have rushed to a conclusion that left me feeling like an idiot…I mean, stay tuned for next weeks edition of…!

Crowd: (magically there) Stick Two People Somewhere Cramped and Watch! WHOOO!!!

Credits roll, while Lloyd and Rose chase Destiny around in anger.

Destiny: Stooop! Lemme alone, don't kill the host! AHHH!! Don't make me use the electric macaroni!

**

Authors note: Hehe, yay! Hope you liked it! Yeah, I know the beginning kinda sucked, but you know, I was tired when I wrote that. Anyway, if you could take the time to review (clings to your leg) PLEEEEASE!! I mean, that would be very nice, ahem. Also, if you have any ideas for more people to stick together for a night and half a day, please tell me them, I'd be more than happy to use ideas! Try and keep the two characters from the same game though, okay? Anyway, Sayonara and thanks for reading!


End file.
